VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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