Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize