I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
