Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
