her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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