I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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