Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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