Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
