I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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