You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
