i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
