Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
