I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
