Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
