i don't like sucking hair
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
