Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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