i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
