I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
