The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
