Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
