is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
