so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
