oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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