Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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