Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
