You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
