I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
