Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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