I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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