fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
