Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize