bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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