they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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