I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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