it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
