just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
