it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
