i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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