I hate your face
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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