I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
