No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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