Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i drank out of a bidet.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
