I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize