I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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