so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
