so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
