Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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