I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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