is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
