im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Randomize