Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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