I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
NoShamevember. You game?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Never underestimate the power of titties
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
