just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
