im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
