She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
