I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
