So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
