i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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