South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
