Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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