In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
