First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
