I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
