Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
