You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I faked an abortion last night.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
time to smoke my breakfast
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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