Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
