I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So vagazzling was a success
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
