I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
