I'm going to jail i love you
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
