Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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