It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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